The Changing Face of my Dreams – 24 February 2014

I don’t mean to be a tease, but the meat of this writing is under Thoreau…

English: Henry David Thoreau, photograph taken...

English: Henry David Thoreau, photograph taken in August 1861 and published circa 1879, head-and-shoulders portrait, facing slightly right. Edited image from Library of Congress item LC-USZ61-361 (b&w film copy neg.). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”

1967 U.S. postage stamp honoring Henry David T...

1967 U.S. postage stamp honoring Henry David Thoreau. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Things do not change, we do.”

w11 - Henry David Thoreau

w11 – Henry David Thoreau (Photo credit: Sweet Dreamz Design)

“Be not simply good, be good for something.”

English: Signature of author Henry David Thoreau

English: Signature of author Henry David Thoreau (Photo credit: Wikipedia– Henry David Thoreau

 

 

 

 

And now I present my dream…

Monday, 24th of February, 6:02AM… I awaken. I had a dream and in this dream, I got there. I got there… I reached the promised land. I don’t know how I got there. I don’t even know where it was… but I got there with nothing but the coat on my back. No bag, no wallet, no money, no ID, no phone, no pills, no computer… off the grid, if there was one where I was… no nothing. No running… no airport… I was not trying to get somewhere or away from something, including myself. I just was there.

This was not a night terror. I knew no one. I was all alone, but in a crowd… which in and of itself is not disturbing. I’m used to being alone. I always traveled alone… particularly when no one knew I was leaving the country. In reality, I never traveled with anything or so much it needed to be checked… I had no baggage when traveling, just a backpack and purposeful tactical clothing with more than 70 pockets. In this dream, I made it with nothing and remember not much but walking around in circles (so to speak)… following the flow of people, wondering what I was going to do. Thinking that whenever i get home from wherever I am I will still have nothing. I had a coat and that’s all.

More than one month of half the normal dose of that which kept the monsters from my dreams… prevented the terrors, the sweats, the panics. The intended dose reduction to bring my dreams closer than the last fifteen seconds that I could remember under the influence of a good sleeper pill. I’m different now. I’ve evolved. I’ve experienced personal and spiritual growth that I never had an opportunity to explore up to this point in my life. If last night means anything, I hope that it is that my night terrors are gone forever.

That which haunted me my entire life is no longer so haunting and not much more than an ever more distant memory. In this dream, there was a huge building and I don’t know what it was, but all others were moving towards it and going into it… and I couldn’t go into it because I had a coat. I had nothing, yet I had too much. My intended migration towards minimalism during consciousness has moved from reality to a dream. My baggage is gone. It’s been wide open for all to see into for about four years now… but now, the baggage isn’t just open… it’s gone.

This was no requiem. It was dream. I had a real dream. Am I reborn? At the point I told someone IN my dream what was happening to me… with nothing… not knowing if it was lost… gone forever… I awakened and left my bedroom to look at the clock and the time. 6:02AM

 

 

Surviving the Return of the Night Terror

I JUST awoke from one of my haven’t seen you in awhile night terrors. I haven’t had one in six months or more. Maybe two in the last year (that I remember), but then, I have always remembered them. Used to have them every night. They are the only dreams that I remember in full. If it doesn’t involve some sort of night terror, I remember the last 5-10 seconds. This one was quite a bit more detailed. AND, it kept me hostage for at least an extra hour. I slept until after 7am.

Night of Terror

Night of Terror (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I never did get on that flight. I did locate my carry-on… and still had my macbook and ipad in it. I also retrieved my Scottevest fleece 7.0 but maybe only 15 or so pockets still had tactical weapons… All other pockets were empty. But why the fuck would I bring my certificate of live birth to an airport??? And why did this particular airport have no security lines or did I just not get that far???

I did not sleep on my wedge that keeps my knees and upper body elevated. I slept on my side with a pillow in between my knees and memory foam under my head… again… I have not fallen asleep in a horizontal position on a flat bed in forever.

I took my usual night terror stoppers… a slow sleeper/mood enhancer and a knock me out dosage of benzodiazapine. I think I might have been projecting someone else’s terror???

If so, this is for you…

Chorus:
Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I’ve got a wonderful feeling,
Everything’s going my way.