Mindfulness of Life – Poetry of the Day 25MAR 2014

Clinical research shows Buddhist mindfulness t...

Clinical research shows Buddhist mindfulness techniques can help alleviate anxiety , stress , and depression (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When we understand that life is short and
Time is precious and if we will have developed
Some understanding of the Dharmma and life wisdom,
It becomes more precious.

Do not procrastinate,
Do what should be done today,
We don’t know whether we will be still alive tomorrow.

Today, now, do what should be done,
Try to accomplish your dreams, to do what you want to do.
Be mindful where am I going, What is my life goal?

Let go of the things of past, and
Be willing to fully live in the present;
Be willing to change and grow.

Often we are afraid and fail to change, to grow,
And because of lack of confidence and self trust.
We don’t try our best and not determine enough.

We are responsible for ourselves and our life,
No matter what happened in the past and now,
Without blaming anyone.

It is a natural thing for every being to experience
Good and bad things in life,
reflecting on this it helps to let go to not get attached.

Quote of the Day 2 January 2014 – Serotonin

English: This is a photograph I personally too...

English: This is a photograph I personally took when Wayne Dyer came by my television station (KUSI-TV in San Diego) in March 2009. This is NOT a screen shot. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“The positive effect of kindness on the immune system and on the increased production of serotonin in the brain has been proved on research studies. Serotonin is a naturally occurring substance in the body that makes us feel more comfortable, peaceful, and even blissful. In fact the role of most anti-depressants is to stimulate the serotonin production to alleviate depression. Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness. Even more amazing is that persons observing the act of kindness have similar beneficial results. Imagine this: kindness extended, received, or observed beneficially impacts the physical health and feelings of everyone involved.”
? Wayne Dyer

Narcissist Q/A – Friday the 13th – What Compels People to Take Advantage of Others?

QUESTION: What Compels People to Take Advantage of Others? I don’t understand.

ANSWER: The easy answer… people are bullies and sometimes people allow themselves to be taken advantage of for fear of loss.

Narcissus

Narcissus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The complicated answer… Some people (narcissists) feel they are better, superior, in a different class and while it may manifest in many ways, such as fame, wealth, power, etc, the fact remains that whatever they do achieve in life is never enough, if they are not at the top of the heap.

Most will lie, cheat and steal without thought other than the risk and penalty of being caught albeit in business or personal life. They want/need your compliments, admiration, attention along with their power and material things. These people leave you powerless, exhausted and drained. They have a total lack of empathy for others, particularly family and friends.

This lack of empathy allows them to take advantage of those closest to them to get their own “desires” met… regardless of the pain or hurt it causes someone else. Sensitive people are most often directly targeted because the narcissist will take advantage of compassion you’ve managed to cultivate over years of life and experience.

English: Picture of myself, I am a narcissist....

English: Picture of myself, I am a narcissist. For use on userpages. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s almost impossible to completely avoid narcissists and there are things you can do to protect yourself from those who think of themselves as masters of deception.

The narcissist will groom you in the same manner a sexual predator does. The narcissist knows what you want and need emotionally. The narcissist knows how to make you feel good as part of their confidence scheme. They know how to say the right things at the right times particularly with insincere compliments. You can’t fix them and it’s not your job to do so.

Stop, think… act. Protect your heart. Don’t be afraid to turn around and exit the closest door and walk away. Don’t forget to lock the door behind you… from the outside, so you can’t be followed.

You have to know who you are and what you want. STOP the vampire in it’s tracks.

This question is directly related to PTSD threat assessments and hyper-vigilance…

PTSD and Cognitive – Intelligence Impairment

U.S. Military - Dog Tags ... U.S. Military Sui...

U.S. Military – Dog Tags … U.S. Military Suicides in 2012: 155 Days, 154 Dead (June 8, 2012) …item 2.. flaws still plague the handling of PTSD (14:58 EST, 8 March 2013) … (Photo credit: marsmet511)

Regions of the brain affected by PTSD and stress.

Regions of the brain affected by PTSD and stress. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does not mean you are broken.

I was given a great gift yesterday… my life timeline, which I had never seen (which was updated every PTSD therapy session) based on what came out of my mouth… experientially. My family tree (blood family and former “secret” family) and how they intertwine…

I have eight different scales of IQ testing and two scales of personality testing… Let me make this clear before you read further… in general, I don’t like standardized testing because it doesn’t tell you the whole story about a person. I’m a firm believer that atmospheric, cultural experience, life experience and education define who you are and your potential.

In my case, I’ve been suffering a bit of demonstrable cognitive difficulty for about five years. And… having never been told, (which I can assume is part of the PTSD therapy), I now see that everything “standardized” about me has remained fairly static throughout my adult life. My cognitive impairment is not due to a loss of brain function… but rather, “interference” from within. perceived threats. hyper-vigilance about my surroundings. space invaders. leeches.

With what I just stated about my opinion of standardized testing… I’ve never been under 90th percentile on any standardized test and primarily 99th percentile to be more specific. In general, I don’t advertise that, because, these numbers can influence others and cause difficulty in certain situations, specifically social. I’ve actually always tried to keep these numbers locked away. But I am what I am.

First… I’ll expose what’s inside my head, in the absence of the stress disorder. This is only representative of brain function and not personality. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for the juicy personality abstracts. No worries… it’ll be worth my weight.

My IQ is 133; 98.61 percentile, however, under the influence of triggers and stressors from PTSD there is a dramatic decrease. For example, my 90-100th percentile math skills are reduced to 60th percentile. My visual / spacial percentile goes from 90-100 percentile down to 40-50 percentile. My linguistic percentile (my greatest strength) again drops from 90-100 percentile to 40-50 percentile. My logical percentile drops from 90-100 percentile down to 50-60 percentile.

It’s been proven that my baseline number(s) and percentile(s) is still where it was before, but that’s not the way my brain functions when tasked with stress. Not with PTSD.

Most people can only read as fast as they can talk… as that is what they are doing as they read text of any kind. I was always a fast reader… by the time I was 25 I was reading up to 1300 words a minute with better than acceptable comprehension. I learned to read in chunks and shape (math) and thus I could read faster than anyone could speak. In recent years (4-5), you might get me to read a page or two at 1000 words a minute but with no recollection of what I had just read. It got to the point where I stopped reading books and trade paperbacks. I had no focus… no attention. no interest. disinterest. I was only reading as fast as I could talk… if I could stay focused and attentive.

As an example of what my PTSD therapy has done for me… I have completely read and comprehend two full books… cover to cover in the last 30 days. I haven’t read or focused on two books prior to this for at least five years. Eva knew exactly when to tell me to read.

My brain is coming back to me. The fog is lifting… the ground stop can’t be far behind.

I’m a precision processor. I am able to whittle even the most complex task or problem to understandable component parts. Because I think in numbers. none of that has to do with emotion. My life is a pile of numbers. It’s second nature for me to cut to the middle of an issue and uncover fast solutions to problems while other people get lost in detail and translation.

Since… I am labeled a precision processor, anything that involves numbers is a piece of cake for me. Let’s make that chocolate cake… mmmm. Chocolate itself is better than sex.

This is me in the absence of PTSD:

I am resourceful.
I am detail oriented.
I am highly efficient and economical…

I am lightning fast with responses.
I think in numbers.
I am experimental.

I am an innovator
I’m a writa, not a fighta.
I convey my ideas by means other than verbal.

I write, therefore, I am.

My logic abilities can outweigh reasoning when necessary. The distinct disadvantage to this is everybody calls marc when da puter breaks. what’s wrong? how do I fix it? how do I always find a way to recover lost data? don’t ask the men in black or how they took me to work.

Here’s my predicament. I don’t want to do what I used to do. I do what I have to do to survive, but, because of the way my brain processes data, any career my mind is suited for I have no interest in. I don’t want to be a scientist… ok I think in numbers but I don’t want to be a mathematician. accountant? no fucking way. Data analyst? I am the epitome of anal, but no thank you. Astronomer? uh huh… no. I am not a fucking physicist.

I think I might be able to retain the the ability to say “I am the architect”, but, but, but…

what do I do now???

If you think this was a little long winded… wait until my personality evaluation. Can you hear me? I think in my personality analysis is where I’m going to find my path… my new path.

This entire post was written while under the influence of cannabis.