Tag Archives: God

I Have Reached The Promised Land (So I Say)

I have reached the promised land. 146 pounds! However, that’s not the entire store or the promised land.

The first thing that comes to mind is the biblical definition… you have to believe that… but there are many sides to that story and in no way is my definition biblical. God promised it to the jews… specifically Jacob, Abraham, Isaac… but there are also christian and islamic Palestinians who also believe they fit in that group. There’s no fixing the confusion with that promised land with “divine” roots. We are led to believe that after 40 years… of wandering like the bedouins of today, they reached the promised land… nah.

There’s the use of it by Martin Luther King in his famous “I have a dream” speech. He never made it to his promised land.

The urban definition of promised land is sexual in nature and has a few definitions… the promised land is a vagina or pussy as some would call it. It’s the region of a woman’s body promised to every man. (really?) When I was 14 I hooked up with Emily as her dad watched and I reached the promised land… so to speak. NO… this is not the promise land I’m speaking of, nor the ones listed above.

My promise land is about reaching goals, both short term and long term. Some I thought I would never reach. Business goals have always been accessible to me. It’s the personal ones that I never really made. Didn’t think I would ever have a chance to see them through. Once I moved to Las Vegas, life changed for me and I began to very slowly and with reluctance set goals, personal ones for myself and while at the time or times, I still wasn’t a believer that I would be able to achieve them. Most of the time, I did not achieve personal goals. They were unattainable at the time. I considered them with a low likelihood of success. I thought about them. I (day)dreamed about them. I was wrong about that low likelihood of success after quite a few years. The personal goals are now coming so fast, they occasionally pass me by and I fail to recognize them because they are so foreign to me.

I’ve been able to reach goals that have a lot of personal meaning and have allowed me to find my “true self”. I never considered the fact that I had a true self. I was just existing (personally) as a monument to what I was told and taught I was… I’ve been able to focus on my self-identity, which is a little confusing and ambiguous to some, but I do have one. I tried not to set goals on the basis of peer pressure because I knew I would never follow through. However, I was more than willing to fight for myself after a certain point. It was that day… that date that keeps coming up. July 8, 2009 was the day I made a dramatic change and began to fight for my soul. Fight from the inside out. A fight that no one could see. The day I took control of my own life.

My personal well being actually exists now and is no longer a dream. I have succeeded in reaching some of my long term (4 years) personal goals that had a subjective and dramatic unveiling of happiness. I worked really hard to get to the happiness part and because of that, it holds more importance than something or a goal that is/was easily attainable. I don’t have some sort of scale to measure my level of happiness because it always escaped me, but, if I use my feelings as they are today, I’m just pretty fucking happy.

Through a sequence of steps that have taken years (therapy and self determination)… some of them quite painful emotionally, I have been able to reach both short term and long term goals. Not all of them. Many of the hardest ones. Many of the ones I initially thought I would carry with me to the grave (crematorium preferred thank you very much) without ever accomplishing them.

I have reached the promised land. My promised land. I have cut some cords that should have never been connected. I am in control of my life. I feel like I have a mission and a meaning for life.

I have reached a weight that I haven’t seen in years along with a percentage of body fat that is getting close to normal 146 lbs and 11.4% body fat. My lean body mass is smack dab in the middle of normal. Ya see, I have this eating disorder. I’m a stress non-eater. If I feel stress, I feel no hunger and can go the whole day and just forget I have never eaten or ever get hunger pains. Stress makes my core tighten… and twist. Not as tight as it used to.

In a few days I take another major step. I’m cutting the phone cord. My mobile number is changing. All those from my past who I waited for so long to say something to me will no longer have the opportunity to do so. I don’t need or want the contact anymore. My waiting stopped when I was adopted on June 11, 2013. I have stated the incorrect date on previous posts all over the place but the correct date. The date the family court judge stamped the adoption decree is not June 13… It’s June 11, 2013. (sorry mom, I love you)

If you’re in my life now, you’ll get a message from me next week with my new number. All the people I love will be contacted… and some that it would just be too weird if I loved will get contact too. Those who have used me, those who have abused me, those who made money inappropriately from me by lying to me, cheating me or stealing from me will not get the number.

It’s good to be alive. I am a very happy person (now). It’s good to be happy. It’s good to feel love, receive love and express it. THIS is my promised land… 146 lbs.

That’s all for now.

Quote of the Day 20 October 2013 – Self-Discovery

Hermann Hesse
Cover of Hermann Hesse

Trees are about self-discovery.

“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfil themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree. When a tree is cut down and reveals its naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured. And every young farmboy knows that the hardest and noblest wood has the narrowest rings, that high on the mountains and in continuing danger the most indestructible, the strongest, the ideal trees grow.

Tree Reflection
Tree Reflection (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.

A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail.

A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God [buddha] is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live.

When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God [buddha] speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all.

English: Hermann Hesse House
English: Hermann Hesse House (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A longing to wander tears my heart when I hear trees rustling in the wind at evening. If one listens to them silently for a long time, this longing reveals its kernel, its meaning. It is not so much a matter of escaping from one’s suffering, though it may seem to be so. It is a longing for home, for a memory of the mother, for new metaphors for life. It leads home. Every path leads homeward, every step is birth, every step is death, every grave is mother.

So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.”
Hermann HesseBäume. Betrachtungen und Gedichte

Quote of the Day 17 October 2013 – Traits We Detest

John Steinbeck's poem plague near the City Lig...
John Steinbeck’s poem plague near the City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco Chinatown’s Jack Kerouac Alley. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“It always seemed strange to me… the thing we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second”. [John Steinbeck]

Plato said it early on: “Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty”.

Honesty (Photo credit: las – initially)

As you read the quote from John Steinbeck about the things we detest, there is a message that gets lost in his quote. It begins with the things we love to see in a person. Honesty. And the fact is, honesty isn’t everything it’s defined to be. Honesty can be one of the things we detest in a person as it hurts and can be excruciating and painful… The truth hurts sometimes, quite often as a matter of fact and it makes it one of the traits we detest. It leads to reading between the lines and out-front that openness that will come with honesty can reveal egotism and self-interest.

Honesty can be the most dangerous game because you can really hurt someone, and hurt them to the bone chilling core and feel as though you’ve done the right thing. The righteous thing. One of the traits we detest. And without intention… Without malice. And even with love. In the end, love hurts too and becomes a trait we detest.

Quote of the Day 10 October 2013 ~ Laughter Can Sustain Us

Laughter Yoga - Dec 30, 2012
Laughter Yoga – Dec 30, 2012 (Photo credit: BMW Guggenheim Lab)

Laughter is a pleasant sound, it spreads joy all around Whether you’re young or old, laughter can be like Magic to our souls, whenever we’re feeling sad Laughter can sustain us so that things don’t seem Quite so bad, if we give into laughter, it can be like A cure for something that seems impossible to endure So any time your spirits need a lift fill yourself With laughter and you will find, a much happier Person with a peaceful frame of mind.

IN WHAT YEAR was “under god” added to ‘The Pledge Of Allegiance’?

I pledge allegiance to the FLAG(S) of the DIVIDED States of America and to the Republic for which it USED TO stand for, one nation, HELD HOSTAGE, with LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR SOME.

This might as well be the pledge of allegiance since it is just as accurate as what false patriots think it is now. Are you old enough to know the truth?

An excerpt from the September 8, 1892 Youth's ...
An excerpt from the September 8, 1892 Youth’s Companion with the original Pledge of Allegiance (the full page is available from firstmention.com/Documents/pledge1.jpg ) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: Dorothea Lange picture of Japanese-Am...
English: Dorothea Lange picture of Japanese-American children reciting the pledge of allegiance (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


English: The Bellamy salute is the salute desc...
English: The Bellamy salute is the salute described by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931) to accompany the American Pledge of Allegiance, which he had authored. During the period when it was used with the Pledge of Allegiance, it was sometimes known as the “flag salute”. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Student pledging to the flag
Student pledging to the flag (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Cindy Jacobs, Television Prophet, Says Native Americans Must Repent For Ancestor’s Pagan Beliefs (VIDEO)

"Ball players" painted by George Cat...
“Ball players” painted by George Catlin, illustrates various Native Americans playing lacrosse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“If you have in your bloodline any animus, any Native American blood, for instance — not all Native Americans worshiped the serpent or crocodile, many did — but you might want to renounce that and repent for the generational iniquity,” Jacobs says. “If you are — perhaps you’re Mexican and you might have indigenous blood in you or Mayan blood — those who have Aztec blood in any way, you need to repent for the sin of animism before you begin to deal with this spirit.”

Jacobs also recommends watching out for totem poles and other native representations of animals, particularly the image of the crocodile.

“The Laviathan spirit breaks down communication, it is a twisting spirit,” Jacobs explains in the video.

It “distorts the conversation” and “you will never be able to remedy it with natural remedies,” such as counseling. Side effects of the demonic spirit may also include depression, anger and confusion, according to the prophet.

Cindy Jacobs, Television Prophet, Says Native Americans Must Repent For Ancestor’s Pagan Beliefs (VIDEO).