21 Habits of Happy People – Day 2~ Choose Your Friends Wisely

First word: April 19, 2014 at 7:50pm

Day two of 21 habits of happy people has taken almost a full month to complete. How do I remain mindful, living in the present day, not focusing on the past or the future? How can you write around a single quote and remain mindful? We have four words today, “choose your friends wisely”10277069_668442069895597_5479931268732248266_n(1)

You don’t become what you want, you become who you hang out with or what you have learned to accept. This matters. How your friends act has an impact on how you will act. Be around people who will encourage you to do the right thing. Choosing your friends also is a reflection on how we feel about ourselves.

In the search that we go through to feel wanted or accepted or loved, we sometimes lower our standards and allow the wrong people to have influence in our lives. It’s important that you let the right people into our life, who offer a positive influence. In many cases, you may not know or understand what your real standards are because your are following someone elses bad, negative influence. Don’t allow yourself to be trapped by others because of your past.

Friendship / Amistad

Friendship / Amistad (Photo credit: victor_nuno)

Your friends can make you feel like a million dollars, full of worth and figuratively the richest person in the world. They can also make you feel like a piece of shit. I used to be very poor but with bank accounts full of money, I felt poor… empty. This is my history, following the bad influence merely for the sake of acceptance and a feeling of comradery. It was always a facade. I think many people have been left in a ditch with a knife in their back.

Friend drama follows family drama. We all pursue perfection in one way or another. Sometimes it is “repeating to perfection” whether that is a dysfunctional friendship to match a dysfunctional family or just being on the wrong path due to low self worth. How does someone from an abusive family often choose friends or relationships? The answer is relative to “repeating to perfection”. If dysfunction or abuse is all you know, this can be all you attract or are attracted to until perfection. This perfection can be pain, anger, physical abuse, self abuse and even death.

They are probably best friends since they were...

They are probably best friends since they were kids. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The perfect friendship is one where all you have to do is bring in yourself and reciprocally, you hopefully receive the same investment from a friend. You don’t have to remake yourself to become part of a group or in a single individuals life. You shouldn’t feel the need to impress someone or have any feeling of inadequacy. You should both like each other for who you are… not who you pretend to be or want to be. Friends should want to be your friend for who you are, not what you have… not who you want them to be. This can create a positive influence in your life… almost by accident.

You shouldn’t have to feel that you aren’t good enough. You should be accepted for who you are and by the same token, you don’t want to attract someone who will put you down, nor should you have any feeling of inadequacy or jealousy. A real friend pulls you up and keeps you from falling off a ledge. They don’t just stand there and watch. Friends build off of each other.

If you have no solid foundation in family, you are susceptible to friendships and relationships with no foundation at all. Friends are not for finding the right party or a popularity contest. Friends are for building trust, kindness, a nurturing relationship where one builds up the other, stands next to the other in times of trouble. There are plenty of fair weather friends… but the weather isn’t always sunny and 72, like my cave. When the weather isn’t fair, friendships crumble and fall apart.

Friendships should be primarily about mutual giving and not using or exploitation in one way or another. Friendships need to have some sort of common bond that holds it together. Think about what you value or… your values and see that they match in friendship. If a friends values do not match yours, you may end up doing things that you are not comfortable with personally.

Only you yourself can determine which of your friends (if any) are a healthy solid influence in your life. And only you can determine if the friendship has any value or serves a purpose other than momentary feelings of happiness or worth. Only you can make that value judgement and if there is no emotional value, it’s also up to you to make a friendship less relevant. There’s no need for more drama or pointing fingers… it just means that person or people need to change from friend(s) to associates and reduce the influence they have oer you.

When making new friends, you need to do so in total blindness, so nothing superficial has an influence over allowing better, healthier people into your life. Be the kind of friend that you want to be with… not the other way around. By doing this, you will attract what is right and healthy for you and a friendship. The key to this is being yourself.

So… here we go… “Choose your friends wisely” and be sure they have the same set of values as you. If you can sit across from or next to a person and not have to talk… just be… that’s a good start of a friendship. If you feel the need for liquid courage, perhaps you need to rethink the friendship. If your friend feels the need for liquid courage, that’s a sign for you. If you feel the need for liquid courage yourself… you’re in the wrong place.

Poetry of the Day 04May 2014 – Living With Integrity

 

Speak The Truth

Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.” 
 Barbara De Angelis

 

"You never lose by loving. You always los...

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” -Barbara de Angelis (Photo credit: QuotesEverlasting)

Quote of the Day 28 December 2013 – Dare to Be

Hurting someone with the truth is better than ...

Hurting someone with the truth is better than making them happy with a lie. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

“Dare to Be

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can –

At all times, Dare to be!”
Steve MaraboliLife, the Truth, and Being Free

Thought(s) of the Day 16 October 2013 – Living in the Present

The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. [Anne Morrow Lindbergh]

Living in the Present

If you can’t accept what it is, as it is now, then you have to work to change it. You need to fix it or walk away from it. Your confusion will never be resolved by sitting on your hands and remaining silent and torturing yourself. Don’t ever be afraid to express your real feelings, not just what you think someone wants to hear. Don’t let your fear of rejection make you stop in the middle. Follow it through. Get it done. Fly away without confusion or worry and enjoy your respite. You need to be living in the present.  You will not be lonely living in the present. Don’t allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own thoughts. [Spontaneous writing of Marc Gilbert-Widmann]