21 Habits of Happy People – Day 2~ Choose Your Friends Wisely

First word: April 19, 2014 at 7:50pm

Day two of 21 habits of happy people has taken almost a full month to complete. How do I remain mindful, living in the present day, not focusing on the past or the future? How can you write around a single quote and remain mindful? We have four words today, “choose your friends wisely”10277069_668442069895597_5479931268732248266_n(1)

You don’t become what you want, you become who you hang out with or what you have learned to accept. This matters. How your friends act has an impact on how you will act. Be around people who will encourage you to do the right thing. Choosing your friends also is a reflection on how we feel about ourselves.

In the search that we go through to feel wanted or accepted or loved, we sometimes lower our standards and allow the wrong people to have influence in our lives. It’s important that you let the right people into our life, who offer a positive influence. In many cases, you may not know or understand what your real standards are because your are following someone elses bad, negative influence. Don’t allow yourself to be trapped by others because of your past.

Friendship / Amistad

Friendship / Amistad (Photo credit: victor_nuno)

Your friends can make you feel like a million dollars, full of worth and figuratively the richest person in the world. They can also make you feel like a piece of shit. I used to be very poor but with bank accounts full of money, I felt poor… empty. This is my history, following the bad influence merely for the sake of acceptance and a feeling of comradery. It was always a facade. I think many people have been left in a ditch with a knife in their back.

Friend drama follows family drama. We all pursue perfection in one way or another. Sometimes it is “repeating to perfection” whether that is a dysfunctional friendship to match a dysfunctional family or just being on the wrong path due to low self worth. How does someone from an abusive family often choose friends or relationships? The answer is relative to “repeating to perfection”. If dysfunction or abuse is all you know, this can be all you attract or are attracted to until perfection. This perfection can be pain, anger, physical abuse, self abuse and even death.

They are probably best friends since they were...

They are probably best friends since they were kids. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The perfect friendship is one where all you have to do is bring in yourself and reciprocally, you hopefully receive the same investment from a friend. You don’t have to remake yourself to become part of a group or in a single individuals life. You shouldn’t feel the need to impress someone or have any feeling of inadequacy. You should both like each other for who you are… not who you pretend to be or want to be. Friends should want to be your friend for who you are, not what you have… not who you want them to be. This can create a positive influence in your life… almost by accident.

You shouldn’t have to feel that you aren’t good enough. You should be accepted for who you are and by the same token, you don’t want to attract someone who will put you down, nor should you have any feeling of inadequacy or jealousy. A real friend pulls you up and keeps you from falling off a ledge. They don’t just stand there and watch. Friends build off of each other.

If you have no solid foundation in family, you are susceptible to friendships and relationships with no foundation at all. Friends are not for finding the right party or a popularity contest. Friends are for building trust, kindness, a nurturing relationship where one builds up the other, stands next to the other in times of trouble. There are plenty of fair weather friends… but the weather isn’t always sunny and 72, like my cave. When the weather isn’t fair, friendships crumble and fall apart.

Friendships should be primarily about mutual giving and not using or exploitation in one way or another. Friendships need to have some sort of common bond that holds it together. Think about what you value or… your values and see that they match in friendship. If a friends values do not match yours, you may end up doing things that you are not comfortable with personally.

Only you yourself can determine which of your friends (if any) are a healthy solid influence in your life. And only you can determine if the friendship has any value or serves a purpose other than momentary feelings of happiness or worth. Only you can make that value judgement and if there is no emotional value, it’s also up to you to make a friendship less relevant. There’s no need for more drama or pointing fingers… it just means that person or people need to change from friend(s) to associates and reduce the influence they have oer you.

When making new friends, you need to do so in total blindness, so nothing superficial has an influence over allowing better, healthier people into your life. Be the kind of friend that you want to be with… not the other way around. By doing this, you will attract what is right and healthy for you and a friendship. The key to this is being yourself.

So… here we go… “Choose your friends wisely” and be sure they have the same set of values as you. If you can sit across from or next to a person and not have to talk… just be… that’s a good start of a friendship. If you feel the need for liquid courage, perhaps you need to rethink the friendship. If your friend feels the need for liquid courage, that’s a sign for you. If you feel the need for liquid courage yourself… you’re in the wrong place.

Poetry of the Day 04May 2014 – Living With Integrity

 

Speak The Truth

Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.” 
 Barbara De Angelis

 

"You never lose by loving. You always los...

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” -Barbara de Angelis (Photo credit: QuotesEverlasting)

Quote of the Day 24APR 2014 – Violent

 

Violence! [Explored]

Violence! [Explored] (Photo credit: Rickydavid)

“When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind.” 

? Jiddu Krishnamurti

SKY Sport images showed the violent clashes

SKY Sport images showed the violent clashes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Carl Jung Quote for 16APR 2014 ~ Catastrophes

Carl-Jung-mod

Carl-Jung-mod (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“The gigantic catastrophes that threaten us today are not elemental happenings of a physical or biological order, but psychic events. To a quite terrifying degree we are threatened by wars and revolutions which are nothing other than psychic epidemics. At any moment several million human beings may be smitten with a new madness, and then we shall have another world war or devastating revolution. Instead of being at the mercy of wild beasts, earthquakes, landslides, and inundations, modern man is battered by the elemental forces of his own psyche.”

Signature of Carl Jung

Signature of Carl Jung (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Attributed to Carl Jung

Poetry For Monday 14 April 2014 ~ I Have No Name

Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1986)

Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1986) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no name,
I am as the fresh breeze of the mountains.
I have no shelter;
I am as the wandering waters.
I have no sanctuary, like the dark gods;
Nor am I in the shadow of deep temples.
I have no sacred books;
Nor am I well-seasoned in tradition.
I am not in the incense
Mounting on the high altars,
Nor in the pomp of ceremonies.
I am neither in the graven image,
Nor in the rich chant of a melodious voice.
I am not bound by theories,
Nor corrupted by beliefs.
I am not held in the bondage of religions,
Nor in the pious agony of their priests.
I am not entrapped by philosophies,
Nor held in the power of their sects.
I am neither low nor high,
I am the worshiper and the worshiped.
I am free.
My song is the song of the river
Calling for the open seas,
Wandering, wandering,
I am Life.

A poem by Jiddu Krishnamurti:
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Mindful Quote(s) of the Day 07APR 2014 – Suffering

Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” 
? Thích Nh?t H?nh

Hemingway Quote of the Day 06APR 2014 ~ Trust

Ernest Hemingway

Cover of Ernest Hemingway

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them”

Ernest Hemingway

Ernest Hemingway's house- Key West, FL

Ernest Hemingway’s house- Key West, FL (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Quote of the Day 03APR 2014 ~ Invention of Solitude

The Invention of Solitude

The Invention of Solitude (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

“He finds it extraordinary that on some mornings, just after he has woken up, as he bends down to tie his shoes, he is flooded with a happiness so intense, a happiness so naturally and harmoniously at one with the world, that he can feel himself alive in the present, a present that surrounds him and permeates him, that breaks through him with the sudden, overwhelming knowledge that he is alive. And the happiness he discovers in himself at that moment is extraordinary.”

Paul AusterThe Invention of Solitude

Rumi Poetry of the Day 02APR 2014 ~ Guest House

Good Morning Guest House

Good Morning Guest House (Photo credit: Guest House Puerto Iguazu)

This being human is a guest-house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

Who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture.

Still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

                                                          Jalrudin Rumi

Mindful Quote of the Day 27MAR 2014 ~ Groundlessness

Ani Pema Chödrön

Ani Pema Chödrön (Photo credit: albill)

Underneath our ordinary lives, underneath all the talking we do, all the moving we do, all the thoughts in our minds, there’s a fundamental groundlessness. It’s there bubbling along all the time. We experience it as restlessness and edginess. We experience it as fear. It motivates passion, aggression, ignorance, jealousy, and pride, but we never get down to the essence of it. – Pema Chodron

"Even if we're alone, our yawns and farts...

“Even if we’re alone, our yawns and farts communicate.” – Pema Chödrön #Buddhist #LOL #Books #Text (Photo credit: Logan Donahoo)