“You’re going to meet many people with domineering personalities: the loud, the obnoxious, those that noisily stake their claims in your territory and everywhere else they set foot on. This is the blueprint of a predator. Predators prey on gentleness, peace, calmness, sweetness and any positivity that they sniff out as weakness. Anything that is happy and at peace they mistake for weakness. It’s not your job to change these people, but it’s your job to show them that your peace and gentleness do not equate to weakness. I have always appeared to be fragile and delicate but the thing is, I am not fragile and I am not delicate. I am very gentle but I can show you that the gentle also possess a poison. I compare myself to silk. People mistake silk to be weak but a silk handkerchief can protect the wearer from a gunshot. There are many people who will want to befriend you if you fit the description of what they think is weak; predators want to have friends that they can dominate over because that makes them feel strong and important. The truth is that predators have no strength and no courage. It is you who are strong, and it is you who has courage. I have lost many a friend over the fact that when they attempt to rip me, they can’t. They accuse me of being deceiving; I am not deceiving, I am just made of silk. It is they who are stupid and wrongly take gentleness and fairness for weakness. There are many more predators in this world, so I want you to be made of silk. You are silk.”
? C. JoyBell C.
The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. [Anne Morrow Lindbergh]
If you can’t accept what it is, as it is now, then you have to work to change it. You need to fix it or walk away from it. Your confusion will never be resolved by sitting on your hands and remaining silent and torturing yourself. Don’t ever be afraid to express your real feelings, not just what you think someone wants to hear. Don’t let your fear of rejection make you stop in the middle. Follow it through. Get it done. Fly away without confusion or worry and enjoy your respite. You need to be living in the present. You will not be lonely living in the present. Don’t allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own thoughts. [Spontaneous writing of Marc Gilbert-Widmann]
Let’s just cut to the meat. A strange series of events took place this morning to remind me of something significant in my life. continue reading…
I wake up at 6:20am… head to the kitchen and drop in a san francisco bay medium roast breakfast blend K-Cup. I headed out to the balcony… nice n cool… barely a breeze (I have shade in the morning and my balcony faces WNW). That first cup is great in the morning.
After the coffee I headed directly into the bathroom to take a shower… A quick one. Get out… do what I gotta do, get on the scale, head into my bedroom on a mission of wearing a black shirt today for no specific reason or cause… I picked a shirt that I haven’t worn for the longest time… it’s two sizes too big for me. A Harley Davidson shirt from Red Rock Harley Davidson in Las Vegas. My friend Chuck gave it to me a few years back, His next door neighbor owns the bike store and gave it to HIM, but he has no interest in bikes.
So, I put on this shirt… nice and soft, and comfortable and without thought.
I sit down at the computer… wake it up and it’s on Facebook… just where I left it before I went to sleep last night. Have another sip of coffee, turn on the TV. Turn OFF the tv, and THEN I focus on the monitor and I have a notification reminding me that tomorrow is my friend Chuck Edwards’ birthday. Tomorrow is September 22 and it’s my friend Chuck’s birthday. He’s been gone more than 3 years now. I completely forgot, yet was reminded by Facebook.
I thought to myself… It’s already tomorrow across the international date line… The first thing I thought of was Hong Kong. Went to an international time website and couldn’t help noticing it was 12:01am tomorrow, September 22. What do you believe?
I wake up… put on a certain shirt given to me by my friend Chuck before he passed, just by accident (or was it it accident?) that I haven’t worn in years… and only because it’s black… get notified by Facebook that tomorrow is chuck’s birthday… decide he’s in Hong Kong playing Penney slots… and it’s been his birthday for one minute. WTF???
Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding.
I JUST awoke from one of my haven’t seen you in awhile night terrors. I haven’t had one in six months or more. Maybe two in the last year (that I remember), but then, I have always remembered them. Used to have them every night. They are the only dreams that I remember in full. If it doesn’t involve some sort of night terror, I remember the last 5-10 seconds. This one was quite a bit more detailed. AND, it kept me hostage for at least an extra hour. I slept until after 7am.
I never did get on that flight. I did locate my carry-on… and still had my macbook and ipad in it. I also retrieved my Scottevest fleece 7.0 but maybe only 15 or so pockets still had tactical weapons… All other pockets were empty. But why the fuck would I bring my certificate of live birth to an airport??? And why did this particular airport have no security lines or did I just not get that far???
I did not sleep on my wedge that keeps my knees and upper body elevated. I slept on my side with a pillow in between my knees and memory foam under my head… again… I have not fallen asleep in a horizontal position on a flat bed in forever.
I took my usual night terror stoppers… a slow sleeper/mood enhancer and a knock me out dosage of benzodiazapine. I think I might have been projecting someone else’s terror???
If so, this is for you…
Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I’ve got a wonderful feeling,
Everything’s going my way.
Three power failures last night… most likely due to wind and it was quite windy. Red flag warning and all. I relaxed… waited… the whole ordeal only lasted maybe 15 minutes… One of my pc’s has been victimed and has destroyed a power supply… good thing I have redundancy… and i’m afraid a 350w power supply will be replaced with a 400w that has been used as nothing more than a temp power supply to trouble shoot other computers. I think perhaps this machine was a little pissed off at me. I actually ran the windows 8 compatibility update wizard to see how I stand with my hardware on the media center pc. It said I would need software to watch dvd’s… so I got concerned and decided to upgrade the HP touchsmart tm2 instead. I’ll reserve comment. It hasn’t crashed yet. All of the firefox plugins had to be reinstalled. Chrome survived with no issues whatsoever.