I never considered myself an optimist. I thought I was a realist through and through, always making sure I understood that, for every good thing that happens, something bad must happen. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
I was often mistaken for a pessimist not because of my looking for something good to come from bad but from my looking for something bad to come from good. Literally turning my head and waiting for it. Every person I saw was a threat. I had this angry aura about me. Most often kept inside of me festering.
My realism has came in quite handy as a technical writer with vision for scoping and compiling requirements for both logical and physical projects… Specifically in forming use-case-scenarios and quality assurance testing.
I’ve never believed my future would be better than my past, because that was what I learned and was told. As a matter of fact, I never really believed I would have a future or that I wanted one at all. There are some dark ages that see light now, where passively suicidal behavior and risk taking that were a big part of my lifestyle are gone, but for risk. The worst risk is the one not taken.
Time changes attitudes… it heals wounds a little too… at least it has for me. I’m no longer angry person in general… but I can still get angry, however, I prefer kindness and understanding. Anger sucks energy from your soul.
Time that I never thought I would have has turned me into an optimist. I believe in optimism. My present and my future are and will be better than my past. I am completely responsible for this change in thinking with the help of PTSD therapy. There is a small hand full of people… a small circle of family who also have had a role in my healing and change. I could not or would not have accomplished this shift in thought on my own.
My family is my reason for living. My reason for wanting to live and wake up again tomorrow. To change a little more for the better. To enjoy the happiness and love that I feel surrounding me. I have what I feel are compelling reasons to live that escaped me until recently… hugs. Hug therapy. Unintended consequences of wanting to live. I shared a hug last night, promptly fell asleep and awakened the happy man I realized I am and have been.
My name is Marc and I am an optimist. I believe my present is brighter than my past. I believe my future will be brighter because of the people in my present and future.
My life has meaning… It’s good to be alive.
Leave a Reply